Marriage SMS

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole



☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."


☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward

☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.

☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton

☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow

☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman

☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!

☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future

☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!

☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment

☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

☻May you grow old on one pillow.

☻Dear [bride's name],

☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again

☻I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you

☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.

☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out

☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...

☻To my wife...my bride...my joy

☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.

☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.

☻May our children be blessed with rich parents

☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

-----------------***********----------------------

☻Don't marry the person you want to live with...
Marry the one you cannnot live without...
But whatever you do, you will regret it later..

☻A Diplomatic Husband 2 Wife:
"Hw do U expect Me 2Remembr
Ur Birthday Wn U Nvr Look any Older"

☻Wife: where ‘ll you take me on our 10th anniversary?
Husband: We’ll go to African jungle safari.
Wife: Nice. And on our 25th anniversary?
Husband: I’ll bring you back.

☻Wife to Husband :
“You spent
6 nights creating a
45 minute Powerpoint
to explain Why You
Don’t have 5 minutes
to Clean out the Litter Box.?”

☻Santa bought a car on loan...
He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this,
I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

☻They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it`s true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank

☻A couple had a fight one night
Going to bed Husband says:
Good night mother of my 3 kids.
Wife Replied: Good night father of none.

☻Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

☻Q: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
A: It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

☻Y a man carrzy his wife's photo in d wallet?
COZ whenever he faces trouble, sees d photo & thinks-If I can handle THIS i can handle anything!

☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

☻For the fools marraige are burden.Marraige is the happy begining of 3rd phase of life.It is to share responsibility,having ligal relations in society.Married life becomes happy when u see the smile on ur childs face!

☻A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



☻Marriage is like a public toilet

Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
&
Those inside are desperate to come out..



☻True relatives always
stand behind u during bad times.
Check ur marriage album.
All your relatives were standing behind u!



☻A Tiger was giving wedding party to his frnds..
A Cat came there and danced.
Tiger asked who r u ?
Cat said: I was also a Tiger before my marriage.......

☻Why do Indian women want same husband in next life too??
.
.
Bcoz
.
.
Efforts taken by her to change him in this life will not b wasted!! ;-)

☻Wife: Last night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewelry and clothes! Husband: yeah, and I saw your dad paying the bill! Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them. Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.

☻Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If u find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.


☻Angry Husband sends SMS to Father-in-law : Your Product not matching my requirements.
Smart Father-in-Law : "Warranty Expired..Manufacture not Responsible."

☻My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny
that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds!’ I gifted her
a weighing scale


☻Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest
and please so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!



☻Women Marry Because They Believe That He Will Change One Day . . . . .

Men Marry Because They Believe That She Will Never Change . . . .

Both Are Mistaken



☻My Advice To You Is To Get Married. If You Find A Good Wife You Will Be Happy; If Not You Will Become A Philosopher.

☻''MARRIAGE''
Is Nature's Way
Of Preventing
''PEOPLE''
From Fighting With
''STRANGERS'' ... ;->

☻Secret of Happy Marriage - ACCEPT -
Attraction,
Communication,
Commitment,
Enjoyment,
Purpose,
Trust.
Follow these and dat home of urs will be heaven.

☻Love is one long sweet dream,
and marriage is the alarm clock

☻philosophy Of Life :
? At The Beginning Of Married Life, Every Girl Treats Her Husband As god,
Later On Somehow That Alphabets Got Reversed . . !

☻Q: During Marriage ceremony why is the
bridegroom made to sit on the horse?
A: He is given his last chance to
run away…!!

☻A little kid asks his Dad,
“Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?”
“No idea,” replied the Father,
“I’m still paying for it…”

☻What a married man says after years of marriage:- My marriage is made of Trust & Understanding, she doesn’t Trust me & I dont Understand her.

☻Why do we all marry?
Because romance is not
the only element of life.
We should also know horror,
terror, suspense, irony,
stupidity & tragedy of LIFE.

☻First marriage is the triumph of
imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the
triumph of hope over experience

☻Grooms, once you marry,
please remember that when
you have a discussion
with your future wife,
always try to get the
last two words in: “Yes dear”

☻Brain is very important part of body,
It is active 24 hours
.
.
365 days,
.
.
it starts working, when you born
and work till you
.
.
.
.
Get Married…

☻The Equation of Marriage:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 marriage has 77777+ problems.
So beware of glance!

☻Marriage is like going to
a restaurant your choice
from the menu,
And
then look at neighbourin
table n wish you”d ordered that…..

☻Some people ask the secret
of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

☻“When a man holds a woman hands?”
When a man holds a woman’s hand
before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense

☻One day a man inserted
an ‘advertisement’ in the
local classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

☻It’s funny when people discuss
LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It’s like asking someone,
if suicide is better or being murdered

☻Telling a lie is
Fault 4 a little boy
an Art 4 a lover
an Accomplishment 4 a bachelor
and a Matter of survival 4 a married man

☻Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband
said to you when he woke that morning?”
Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”
Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
Witness: “My name is Susan.”

☻Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that
Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn’t knew u had a prescription.

☻After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.

☻Man : Is there any way for long life?
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.

☻Marriage is very important part of life.
You know why?
?
?
?
?
?
Because
“Life is not only about happiness”

☻Why Government do NOT
allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution,
you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE
for the same Mistake.

☻Behind every Successful man
there is a satisfied woman.
But behind every satisfied woman.
there is an exausted man.


☻Before Marriage:-
He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don’t even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I’m not [...]


☻Man asked to his wife:
Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
She said: Some where I have never been!
Man said: How about the kitchen?

☻Q: If marriages are made in heaven,
than what are made in Hell?
Answer: The days after marriage!

☻Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

☻The most effective
way 2 remember
ur wife’s birthday
is 2 forget it once.

☻Evolution of Man:
Without Marriage “Spider Man”
On Marriage Day “Super Man”
After Marriage “Gentle Man”
If wife is beautiful then rest of life
.
.
.
.
“Watch Man”

☻Wife: You changed after marriage.
Husband: I’ve told you that
“I am not interested in Married womans”

☻Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
.
.
.
Yes! If you are a Billionaire..!!

☻A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

☻Man 1: I do not want to marry.
Because I am afraid of all women.
Man 2: Get marry soon.
Then you will be afraid of
only one woman and start loving the rest

☻Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

☻What is the height of mixed emotion?
Your mother-in-law falls from the
7th floor on your brand new Mecedes
and you don’t know whether to laught or cry..!

☻There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it.

☻Wife to husband:
why are you walking around naked.?
Neighbors can see your things.
Husband: So what..!
Wife: They will think I married you for money.

☻Angel said: I can’t be everywhere to help you.
So I created Mother.
Devil Replied: Me to can’t be everywhere.
So I created Mother-In-Law.

☻Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman

☻Best way to purpose a girl.
Take her to sea,
Say her to sit in a boat.
Then take the boat in the middle of sea.
Then say Marry Me
or
Leave My Boat.

☻A man walking down a street heard a voice.
“if you take 1 more step,
a brick will fall down and kill you.
He stopped & a brick fell before him.
He went on,
while crossing road he heard again stop,
just a car missed him.
Man asked who are you?
I am your guardian angel”
Man said, Where were you when I got [...]

☻There are many brave men
who are adventurous and
are never afraid to fight.
Some join army,
others get married … ;-

☻Marriage Advice
Whenever you are wrong admit it
Whenever you are right shut up

Most successful
Happy married life is
Defined as.
.
.
.
Yet to be seen.


☻A Couple Before Marriage
"MAD" For Each Other ...


After Marriage
"MADE" For Each Other ...


And


A Few Years Later
"MAD" Because Of Each Other...